He saw her...

When the Pain Is Real But No One Can See It

Last week I did something that doesn’t always come easily to me.

I asked for help.

Not in a group text. Individually, one by one, I reached out to five people I trust and said something like this:

“Will you pray for me? I’m going to the doctor and I need them to have discernment and wisdom. I need some relief from this pain. It’s been a rough week.”

It wasn’t edited. And I wasn’t holding it together. It was just an honest, desperate need reaching toward people I knew would actually pray.

I have been dealing with internal shingles—no rash, no visible evidence. Just real pain living beneath the surface where no one could see them—not even me.

This morning, I was reading about Elijah standing before 450 Baal prophets completely outnumbered, alone, carrying God’s name into a moment with everything at stake. When it was Elijah’s turn to call out to His God, he didn’t whisper. He called out to Him openly, in front of everyone, and asked Him to show up so that every person standing there would know He was the only true God. He was desperate and he was public about it.

And God answered with fire.

When I sat with my doctor last Friday she paused in the middle of our conversation and asked me something I almost dismissed.

“Are you sure you don’t have the shingles?”

I told her I didn’t have a rash. She nodded and then told me about a patient she’d recently treated with the same hidden presentation. No rash. No visible symptoms. Just internal pain that didn’t look like what everyone expected the shingles to look like. She had given that patient the antiviral medication and she had indeed had the shingles all along.

My doctor looked past what was visible. She asked a deeper question. And healing began the moment what was hidden was finally named.

At the end of my appointment she looked at me and said something I wasn’t expecting.

“I am sorry you have been in so much pain.”

In that moment I felt seen.

Heard.

Understood.

I kept thinking about how many women are carrying something just like this.

Church hurt that goes unnamed doesn’t heal. It goes internal. No visible rash. No outward evidence. Just real, significant pain living beneath the surface—hidden beneath shame, beneath the pressure to be okay, beneath the fear that naming it out loud will cost too much.

She still shows up. She still serves. But underneath it all she is carrying something that has never been named. Something that has been causing real pain for longer than she wants to admit.

So friend, let me ask you what my doctor asked me.

Are you doing okay? You’ve been carrying a lot lately.

And like she said to me:

I am sorry you have been in so much pain.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

He saw her. And friend, He sees you too.

You are not alone in what you are walking through, sweet friend. And you are not beyond healing.

God sees you and deeply cares for you.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” —1 Peter 5:7, NIV