the hard & holy of healing
how to choose healing when life is hurtful
I don't know if you ever thought this, but when I was younger I assumed life would get easier when I got older.
There would be less drama, less worry, and a greater understanding of life. I thought I would learn how to navigate hard conversations and relationships and I'd be less concerned with pleasing others.
But what I’ve learned is growing older doesn’t make things easier, it just makes the struggles different. The things I was concerned about as a child seem less concerning than what I wrestle with now, but the truth is that none of it is really ever easy.
I still struggle with difficult relationships and I haven't grown out of the temptation to please others. What is important to me has just shifted.
My faith has changed too.
What used to leave me confused, I see more clearly now. Yet the doubts I once struggled with have taken on new shape. It’s not that I no longer struggle or doubt, it’s just the way view them is different.
You see, it’s not that life ever eradicates hard things, it’s just the more we learn to lean into God, the more we are able to see his purpose through them.
I am able to look back and see how he took what felt overwhelming then and how he's allowed something better to come from it.
Yet, this didn't happen over night, it took some intentionality. I had to ask God to show me what was at the root of my struggle so that I could heal.
Sometimes we struggle with the same things over and over again because we avoid the process of healing. We don't want to dredge up the past and feel the pain. We don't want to relive what scarred. We don't want to touch the tender resentment or remember nicked our hearts. Because it's hard to acknowledge what hurts.
Yet the more I am able to see my wounds as places where love once lived, I'm able to care for them. When I realize the hurt comes from a place that deeply matters to me, I'm able to honor and extend compassion to myself.
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned through counseling is the place we carry some of our deepest wounds, bears a space that we weren't given what we needed to heal. But the crazy and beautiful thing about this is God knew this would happen. He knew humans would fall short, yet he made a way for us to care for our wounded selves. The once splintered soul that armored up in protection that hid itself in fear, and blew up in anger is able to become the very sacred place that God can transform and restore us.
Friends, sometimes we can wonder why God won't change us. Why he leaves us struggling with the same old sins and addictions no matter how much we beg for relief. We can doubt if our faith is real and even be tempted to throw in the towel, but what if God is waiting for us to choose our healing?
God in his goodness allows us to choose to change, he gives us the reins on our relief.
Like the crippled man at pool of Bethesda in the gospel of John we too could be asked the same question - "Do you want to get well?"
There was a time in my life when I was struggling with an eating disorder. I tried to control chaos by regulating my eating and I remember reading this story in my bible and realizing - this is me! I am this man. Because although I longed to be set free from the way I was doing things and I desperately wanted to be healed, I didn't want to let go of the security of my situation. Sadly, the comfort of living with something so painful outweighed the fear of living without it. Like this man, I longed to miraculously be healed, but there was something holding me back from getting in the healing pool.
This story held a reflection of how I was trapped within the walls of my own struggle.
What about you?
Are you holding onto a struggle because it offers a sense of security?
Our stories are full of opportunities to be a reflection of hope. And although life isn't easy, it's within these struggles, we find our greatest need for God.
A Few of my Favorites!
Here are a few of my favorite things right now that are bringing me peace and joy. May they find the sacred space in your soul to do the same!
A Study Resource
I was given this beautiful verse mapping journal by the James Method It has become one of my favorite tools in studying Scripture right now. If you’re looking for a fresh way to understand God’s word check them out.
A Quote
Suffering teaches me to stretch my soul’s capacity for a Savior.
Joni Eareckson Tada
An Episode
Making Space to Heal Through Hard Seasons this is a post I recently published with Dawn to continue this conversation on healing. Dawn is an App I write for, which creates space for you to find a deeper connection with God while supporting your mental health. If you’ve never downloaded Dawn, check it out. There is a lot of free content on it as well as a subscription to help you grow in your faith and to provide greater peace in your life.