Have you ever noticed that when hard things come, we often try to control everything around them?
The water heater bursts, your child gets sick, an unexpected loss comes and you find yourself chipping away at your overwhelming to do list. You scrub the floors, stock up on supplies and begin handing out advice like its penny candy.
Why do we do this?
Years ago, as I was walking through a devastating season of infertility and multiple miscarriages, I found myself discontent, I dissatisfied with everything and everyone and I hit a wall when I realized that although I couldn’t change my circumstances, I could change the way I was responding.
What about you - how do you respond when you face hard things?
This question haunted me for years until I realized I didn’t have to respond as I always had. This journey began over a decade ago as I began healing some of the broken pieces of my past. As I sat across from my counselor and I vulnerably shared that when things felt like they were falling apart, I reached for control. Together she walked with me through my story and I began healing. The more we peeled back the layers of my wounds, the more I began to heal.
Healing truly takes a lifetime and when we realize this we give ourselves permission to g
These words, which have been keeping me up at night and have haunted me for years seem to be making their way to the surface lately.
When I can’t control my circumstances, I can choose how I respond.
Have you ever been there - in an unpredictable situation where it seemed like your only option was to choose how you would respond? This picture of Joe and I is from 2019, when he was diagnosed with cancer. It was in that hard situation we decided to choose worship over worry.
Although, during that season we were able to take something really hard and exchange it for something holy this wasn’t my usual response. You see, for many years I struggled with control. I did anything I could to avoid pain. I truly believe a lot of how we respond as adults can be traced to something we experienced as a child.
For me, it was this!
At a young age, due to living with hidden pain that I wasn’t able to process, I learned by avoiding pain that I could keep my wounds from reopening and bleeding out. And it wasn’t until I was much older that I found there was another way - a better way to heal and to embody wholeness.
This is why I show up here every month!
Because it’s a desire for you to experience this same kind of peace. I believe this is what Jesus meant when he challenged us to love one another.
You see, when we find peace in the presence of God and then we invite others into this peace - in some small way we’re extending love. It’s funny how something so simple as choosing to heal can become a something sacred for someone else, but it can.
The practice of healing creates ripples, and as we heal we invite others to heal alongside of us.
When I first began this deeper work, my sons were teenagers and it could have been tempting for me to believe, it was too late. That my brokenness had already done it’s damage, yet what I learned was that it was the perfect time. Because as I healed our relationship healed too.
Friend, it’s never too late to heal and now is always the perfect time. And as KJ Ramsey so eloquently spoke here in her most recent post - Wholeness Includes our wounds.
How do you respond to adversity and struggles? Do you reach for control or are you learning that although you can’t control your circumstances, you can control how you respond?
May this be so with both you and with me!
IN MAINE THIS PAST MONTH, HERE’S SOME PICTURES OF WHAT I’VE BEEN ENJOYING -
long walks
the beach
Lucy the horse and this cutie pie
visiting old spots with this guy!
On October 25th, a tragic mass shooting in Lewiston Maine took the lives of 18 people and injured 13 others. My son and daughter in law who recently moved around 20 miles from these events to plant a church wrote these words and I wanted to share them with with you. Please be praying for the people of Maine, for the victims’ families, for their communities as well as for the shooter’s family who are also hurting and in need of healing.
With Love,
Ruthann